,I just returned from a trip to see my grandparents over Thanksgiving week. The trip was great  but coming back has been a little rough. My car was stolen from the airport parking lot. My job is stressful. Holidays are coming. You know the normal craziness that adults go through on a day-to-day basis 😂.  Honestly, it's a really good thing God gave me a special moment before I landed or I would’ve already had my mental breakdown.

The flight from Charlotte to Peoria was not fun. It was stormy and turbulent.. I always sit by the window. I don’t why, but it’s where I always end up! As we were landing, I realized something...we were flying above Peoria and I could see all the lights and flashing shiny things, so I had convinced myself I was only 5 minutes away from the airport, even though the pilot had just announced 15 minutes. I just assumed I was right and he was giving us an estimated time. To my surprise, he kept going and going and within 5 minutes we were in the absolute pitch black, like so black you couldn’t see the wing of the airplane. I then convinced myself, oh man the pilot “missed the turn” and is going to have to turn back around toward the lights. He didn’t. A few minutes later they announced that we had landed! I didn’t even know we had landed! I was so convinced that I was right that I was waiting to feel the plane turn in the direction I felt was the right way.

It seems silly, I know, but I then realized I DO THE EXACT SAME THING TO God. When He takes me away from the brightness and shininess and busyness of the world to just be quiet and wait, I get impatient. I just want the "time out" to be done so I get back to the path that I assume is the one I should be traveling.  I often miss what’s right in front me because I’m busy looking for what I think should be there, or He takes longer than I think He should. God is a perfect God who knows all things and controls all things. Are you getting frustrated and                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      exhausted from constantly “backseat flying”? Me too! God does, in fact, have His pilot's license and He does not need me to try to fly the plane. 

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
That you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
Praise you in the storm.  
-Casting Crowns

“For I know the plans I have for you declared the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11

Am I there yet? Am I living the plan that God has for my life? How do I know whether or not I have “ made it” to the plan that God has for my life?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has asked this question. I wish I could tell you I had an answer to the secret equation that equals success - that formula that lets you know you are living out the life God has for you - but unfortunately, I don’t. I do know that I get tired - tired of the waiting for the next big thing, the next big thing that signifies I’m one step closer to the “plan”. 

The closer I get to Christ, the more I realize His plan is entirely different than my own. My plan is made up of moments - graduation, marriage, kids, etc. His plan includes me growing closer to Him, leading others to Him, loving others through Him and serving for Him. His plan is perfect and His love never failing. “It is in Christ we find who we are and what we are living for.” So, I’m going to lean into His plan for my life and work on being patient in the waiting. 

⁃ Navi Pauley

What will it look like? 
What will it be like? 
When my world turns out like You planned. 
When will I get there? Feels like I'm nowhere. 
My dreams are like dust in my hair. 
But I, I know.
That this is the waiting. 
I anxiously wait. 
'Cause I hold on to love that will never let go. 
And in these times that my patience is tested, 
Won't You remind me that I'm not home?
Here in the waiting. 
The waiting. The waiting.
- Jamie Grace 
​

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26, ESV 

It’s hard to believe two years have passed since I’ve written anything for this blog. So much has changed in these last two years.

My husband resigned as pastor of the church where we had served the Lord for nearly 20 years. The last years were difficult, challenging and painful. My husband is not the type of man who quits anything; so stepping away from the pastorate was a hard decision to make. In fact, he struggled with the decision for over 5 years. Unless you’ve been there, it was tougher than most can imagine. An incredibly huge change!

When a decision like that is made in one area of your life, it always affects other areas. Your friends change. People who had been part of your life for so long are no longer there. A few friends remain, but you lose many. Sometimes, people are hurt by your decisions and so they just stay away. You lose touch with others simply because your paths just don’t cross anymore. This brings hard, emotional changes!

We no longer live in the house where we raised our five older children. With the decision to leave the ministry, our finances changed as well. We decided to rent out our beloved old home and moved into a smaller apartment to reduce our cost of living. Space changes!

In an attempt to provide for our family while we wait to see what God has planned for our future, my husband started a construction company. Another change! Guess who does all the office work? Yes, me! An even different change. 

We also had to find a new place to worship. We were blessed to find a church about 45 minutes away that has sound biblical teaching. It is still hard to integrate into a new church family, though. This was an enormous change for me!!

A very pleasant change happened in September of 2017. Our little Jude had open heart surgery to repair his heart defect. This has brought happy health changes for him. 

So everything changed. Some changes were welcomed and others I didn’t like. In the midst of the changes and chaos, I would often seek out songs to help calm my mind and refresh my spirit. One of the songs was “Trust in You”, sung by Lauren Daigle. 

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I try to win this war
I confess, my hands are weary, I need Your rest
Mighty warrior, king of the fight
No matter what I face You're by my side.

Amen!