When I am afraid, I will trust in You. - Psalm 56:3, HCSB
My youngest son was born premature with many health issues, the most concerning one being a serious issue with his heart. We have known since the day he was born that at some point in his life, he would need open-heart surgery.
God blessed us with a wonderful pediatric cardiologist. The care regimen that she set up for Jude allowed for him to grow and flourish in spite of his serious heart condition. Most folks would never know by watching him that such a critical problem resided inside the active child they saw.
This past summer, a new procedure was offered to us that would be minimally invasive but fix the problem for Jude via a catheter instead of opening up his chest. It was wonderful news and we agreed to let the hospital try this new procedure.
The night before the scheduled procedure, I didn't sleep at all. I discovered something rather unpleasant about myself. I struggle trusting!! I've always had difficulty trusting people because of past hurts and betrayals. Yet, I was struggling trusting God.
Now, God and I have been through many dark valleys together. At times, I have felt I was drowning in oceans of despair, but not once did God fail me. Don't get me wrong! Those dark experiences were difficult and in the middle of the furor, I did lose sight of God's comfort and help. Still, looking back, God did not fail!
So why was I struggling so hard to trust God now? I wanted to trust Him. Desperately! I wanted the words from the songs that echoed in my mind to be true. I wanted to go through this experience with absolute confidence in my Heavenly Father, but I struggled. All night, I wrestled with my fear and lack of faith. I repented over and over again for my doubts, but still the struggle raged in my heart.
An esophageal echocardiogram revealed that Jude was not a good candidate for this new procedure, so we are still looking at open-heart surgery. I don't know exactly how I'll handle the days before that happens. I'd love to think that I would rest confidently in my Father's love.
However, if that doesn't happen, if I find myself gripped with fear and doubt, I will trust. Notice that is an action, a deliberate choice. I will trust! Even if I must choose to trust again and again, every moment as the battle of fear goes on in my mind, I will trust. Why? I remember the dark times we've been through. I remember the answered prayers. I remember His incredible mercy in saving me. I remember His grace that I live in every day. So, in spite of the storm, I will choose to trust!
No matter the storms that come my way
No matter the trials I may face
You promised that You would see me through
So I will trust in You.
(written by Michael Popham, Regi Stone)
Copyright: kevron2001 / 123RF Stock Photo
My name is Lynn Pauley. I'm just a normal woman, with normal struggles. Any success I've found comes from following the Scriptures. I'll update this blog as time and inspiration permit.